grimmstale asked: Please Please Please stop calling him your owner! For your own sake!
Me: Do you need any help?
Man: I need a lot of help. *twitches*
At this point I’m in bed, hitting my blaring alarm back to snooze, trying to pretend I don’t have to be at HealthyFrozenYogurtChain in 1 hour. As I fall back asleep, I receive a call from work. I immediately sit up in bed cursing.
Fuck. I fell asleep. I’m late. I must be late, calls from work almost always mean that I am late.
My Manager: Uhm what? I’m calling to let you know we’re closed because of the hurricane.
Me: Oh, awesome. Good night.
My Manager: Uh yeah. See you next week.
Relieved to have no reason to leave my bed, I roll over and immediately fall back asleep. I am awakened shortly by a text message.
MyCoworkerFromThePizzeria: Hey any chance you can work today?
I consider this proposition. And then I gently place my phone on my floor and go back to sleep.
Today at my new job, I told my coworker I was a sophomore in college. She responded “oh my God, you are so OLD!”
This is from the Winter I spent personalizing ornaments at The Christmas Store.
Elderly Customer: Can you write Simon, Elizabeth, Joseph, Melissa, Catherine, Lindsay, Matthew, and Doug, Christmas 2010?
Me: Sure! Are these all your grandchildren?
Customer: Oh, no. These are my cats!
Customer: They’ll be so happy to see all their names hanging from my tree!
Told my owner I was quitting. He replied no.